At the recommendation of my sister, I read a book called Nobody's Cuter Than You. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. Melanie Shankle uses her witty writing style to explain how our friendships, specifically our girlfriends, shape and mold us. Reading through it brought me joy, but it was also painful.
I've moved. I was the one that chose to pack up several times and leave. I am the one that desires and craves diverse friendships, so I am filled with beautiful people in my life that live all around the world. However, that doesn't make for your typical friendships. It doesn't make for relationships where you can have a sleepover at your closest friend's house after a bad date or a crappy day at work.
If I'm not posting photos all over Instagram of my million and one closest friends, then I must by society's standards not have friends. My sister and I talked about this a bit since she is also in a similar situation. You know what we were reminded? We have each other! With 2,000 plus miles between us, I would rather have her friendship than a million others. I would rather have African stories that gave me one of my realest, truest friends living all the way in Nebraska than a mediocre year straight out of college. I would rather have a true sister in Christ in Dallas than surface level relationships in my backyard. I'm learning that my life is not like the average 25 year old's life, and I'm starting to think that's pretty great.
The C Word
Commitment. When did I gain such a fear of commitment? Also, when did dating get so ridiculous?
I blogged last year about dating, specifically online dating. After months of bashing it, I decided to give it a try. Guys, it's still not for me. I had many men message me that clearly did not even read my profile. I had one guy that had such great potential, but in the long run just wasn't someone I could potentially commit (there's that word again) even a piece of my heart to.
As much as I think I am ready for a relationship, if I'm honest, I'm kind of not. I am afraid of committing to the wrong man. I'm afraid that my expectations are too high. I'm afraid that any Christian man I date I will be forced to marry.
The enemy has lied to me.
He has used my previous heartbreaks to wreak havoc on my heart.
He keeps showing me my sin when Jesus keeps offering me His grace.
But here's the bigger thing...I've allowed him to. I've given the enemy permission to belittle me. I've kept a door cracked open that should be closed and locked only for the Savior. I've allowed relationships that were over to creep back into my heart and hurt me again.
This is where those girlfriends that know my heart and my soul, but live so far away, come into play. They speak truth and love to me through words like:
- "You're never stuck (until marriage that is), and that's not a bad thing to learn how to love and accept people, with all their baggage. But it doesn't mean you have to yoke yourself to them."
Isn't that so true? I'm not committed to anyone before I'm married to them. Don't take that the wrong way. That doesn't mean I'm dating multiple men at one time. It does however give me permission to leave when things don't feel like God is there with us.
- ...when you drop a bomb, and your girlfriend responds exactly the way you NEED her to with "wuuuut." Followed up with "GIRLS' WEEKEND...one day you'll meet who you're meant to." And you spend the rest of the day dreaming about traveling the world with your dearest gypsy sister.
Because doesn't planning a trip cure everyone's weary soul? And how great that she knows my heart well enough to know what my first love is?
I'm 25. I'm single. My closest friends live hundreds of miles away. And to so many, my life is so different. The beauty though...it is different, but it's also not!