Trying times in the final stretch

These past couple weeks have been a struggle.  Like a big struggle.  Tug a war style where my mind, body, and emotions are going back and forth throughout the day.  I can pretty much pinpoint when each set of emotions will start.  In the mornings, I want to be at home in Texas in a nice bed.  By the time 1^st period starts, I’m in full swing with my learners and can’t imagine saying goodbye to them.  After school, I hit this wall of heat (literally), which leads to the intense part of my daily roller coaster ride.  After working out, I get excited about all of the things waiting for me at home.  I think this is because all of my US friends are waking up at this point and starting their days.  However, after I eat dinner, which is usually when my US friends start going to work, I panic.  This anxiety takes over my body, and I stupidly attempt to work on my resume, search jobs without wifi, and determine my future plans.  To say I’m overwhelmed would be an understatement.  I find my mind running in 50 different directions and occasionally, it is hard to breathe.  I’m going home to no job, no saved money, no boyfriend, and currently no style.  Basically, society will reject me.  They will swallow me up and spit me out.

I think with all of these emotions coursing through my body though, I am having a more difficult time truly being in Namibia.  It is difficult for me to be in the present, and I find myself getting annoyed by things more easily.  I am not able to brush off the actions around me as quickly, and rather, I find myself reaching for my suitcase.

I have had several situations present themselves in the last couple weeks that have made Namibia a little more difficult again and on top of that, I still wonder if I’ve taught these students anything, but this is not how I want my time in this country to end.  I don’t want to leave on a low point.  It is difficult enough that my last few weeks will consist of marking exams, so I really don’t want any other negative situations creeping into my day.

Basically, I’m writing all of this to ask for your prayers.  I ask that you would pray for me and my mental/emotional state these last four weeks, so that I can truly absorb all of the blessings that God has washed upon me.  I personally pray for patience during the workday, but more importantly, at the homestead.  I also pray that my students know how deeply I love them.