Vulnerable

Here’s a blog post from last week that I forgot to upload.  Enjoy!

I am vulnerable.  In every possible way, I am vulnerable, and I think that is completely how God planned for this journey to be.  Today, while preparing my files that still don’t make any sense to me, I caught up on some church by listening to old Podcasts of sermons.  In the sermon, Jason said, “God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called.”  These words are proving to be so true.  I am far from qualified for this job, this life, this experience.  I am still so unsure of the school system, of my teaching, of testing, etc.  This country is foreign, but even more foreign to me is how the schools are run.  I struggle with not being able to have any control, which is something I usually need, something that makes me feel like I am accomplishing something.  I have to keep reminding myself that I was called though.  I was selected into this mission field.  I was sent out into the nations for some reason only God knows.  I have faith that I am here for all of the right reasons, but on certain days, that is easier said than done.  I am not sure why this journey is so difficult for me.  Maybe it’s because I tried to avoid the thought process of not being in Texas for a whole year.  Maybe it’s because I am more of a homebody than I even thought possible.  Maybe it’s just how this experience is for most people.  I long for days that homesickness and loneliness do not overpower my thoughts though.  I long for days when the other teachers actually ask me to spend time with them.  I long for days when my cultural high outshines the lows.